we go thru phases in life and mind u m nt talking about the phases like child then teen then adult.phases m talking about like everyone go through some specific time period like school time..college time..job etc. those phases teaches u lessons bit by bit and our class is never over untill u give up struggling n doesnt fulfill d criteria posted by d great charles darwin which says \”survival of the fittest\”. i am feeling like jotting some of the phases be it rough patches of time or \”tour-de sailing\”.
i dont remember much about my childhood days (dis doesnt mean my parents got me in some lucky draw) coz m still suffering with long term memory loss and d only symptom which makes it different from \”short term\” is the duration of forgetting things.i.e. 15 months in my case.some memories are so special and out of d crowd dat u wud even dream of those in ur next birth.newaz lets focus on some intresting phases of life of many. ya many coz i was not all alone involved and wd d ticking clock\’s hand many people by my side also kept on moving forward.
i was enrolled in one of the best schools in gaya disrict and every parent dreamed of nazareth academy as the brand printed on the top of certificates and no doubt still it lives up to the people\’s expectation. i was alwaz into something which wud bring trouble to me in anyway. in school i was d one who wud never trouble teachers in class but ya dint even spared classmates n at tyms principal mam. my parent were not a graduate wd english as their honours subject but still they could at any instand write a long essay/article/blog on \”CAN DO BETTER\”. dis was d only remark one wud see in all my report cards and though i dint felt proud but ya was bit satisfied that atleast am consistent.if not getting on d top then
not even being pulled by someone. everybody including my family n friends alwaz repeated d same thing which was rather now a punchline for them and my school never took a trouble to get a new printed report card every semester rather after a bit of editing it was bingo!! i had no interest in technical stuffs but alwaz enjoyed reading literature stuffs like, history chapters, geographical features and fictional stuffs in english literature book. the best period in dis phase was when i repeated class 7th. as i said repeated means i had to study d same syllabus n stuffs twice in a short period, which made my grip firm on the syllabus and was looked upon by the average students seeking help (n mind u there were no average students in d class.) class 8
too was full of events and stuffs but no achievements when u talk of studies. Bt d most awesome thng happened to me when some of d most beautiful people came close to me.
Class seven was d turning point of my teenage phase. From d very first day I started feeling for her.she was “safedi ki chamkaar” in complexion and chubby chubby wd boy cut hair and no smile u wud notice on her face. She was quite reserved initially but I alwaz searched for excuses to tak to her n get in touch wd her.farheen n nupur were wd me who were my school sister. She never smiled at me and she knew dat I like her and many times we had small issues and small fights. My bday used to cum twice or thrice evry year jus to give her chocolate.widot any reason I cudnt give as she was full of principles but when u distribute among d whole class then she cant say no.she knew me very well n my antics. Wheneva I wanted to write notes in class I wud drop my pen showing her dat opps the ball is no more and I got to write class notes.cud u plz gimme a pen?? She had no option but to give coz sumwere down d line she alwaz wished me to go great wd my academics. She was wd me in same section in class 8 and dat class was d phase which puzzled my love for her.she came close to manish and I alwaz thot she is no more interested in my frndship and u knw wat it was me who brain washed them to get into a relationship. Jus coz I was chasing shivangi and I was successful in dat.this distuebed her a lot as she wanted me to do good and she came to know dat m wd her who is nt a gud gurl. Wheneva she wud pass by I wud bow down and her eyes told me dat please take care of urself as sumone needs u may be. Class 9 and 10 was d phase I went away from her and was close to shivangi. Though I alwaz came across her concern for me and she was to continue her plus 2 from their and I from college. On d first day of her 11 th class she knew dat m nt in d school and she cried dat day realizing how much she wud miss me and she enquired a lot abt me but I was nt in touch wd anyone from school and she cudnt trace me. We were very far away n I don’t know she tried to contact me but honestly I dint tried coz I was nt in touch wd anyone back from school.
No doubt that I had crush on her since d day I saw her. It was 2007 september when I got a msg on my cdma cell no. 93340-29401 which was a wish for my bday which was on 2nd aug. signed by gudiya and I cudnt get as to who she is. It was she, his school crush.she somehow managed his number and msgd her fearing may be dat wat if dis guy betrays my feelings and all??? She was very much possessive abt me and I never heard of dis much possessiveness frm a gurl side. We daily used to talk and she loved me more than anybody and I took dis for granted. I confessed abt my relationship wd avni and wateva happened after dat is sumthng I still regret and wont be able to forgive myself for dis. She cried n cut her veins and was in hospital for 7 days and she literally begged me to stay close to her but I axed my own heart and dat fateful diwali night in 2007 I shattered her dreams and filled her life wd darkness. She after getting out of dat mental trauma made sure never to get in touch wd me and removed all her possible contacts from internet as well. Dat was d biggest mistake of my life.i tried to contact her but she dint even wanted to see my face and thru links she got d message dat I m trying to reach her but she cudnt forget those tears she shed whole night on diwali.
I msgd her on fbuk and she was like I wud die but never think of dat bastard. When u betray sumone’s true love then sumday sumbody will betray ur true love as well n d punishment god gave me for betraying her was no way justified as it was heinous crime I committed and will never be able to get out of dat guilt till I breath.
A week ago I sent her frnds request and she msgd me saying she don’t wanna see me even but I begged her n asked her to b like friend and she agreed but after 2 days she removed me from list coz I started getting into love stuff n all. Though after few days she added me and now she don’t love me but she knows how much I love her. One thng m sure abt is dat no one keep her happy d way I can. She don’t love me and will never marry me. But I wont let sumbody even touch or stare at her. Dis time n nt gonna let her go wateva d situation is. Perhaps first tym before its too late I have realized abt d right person to be wid. I can pay anything n go to any extent for bein around her n close to her. I have alwaz been a late comer when it cums to realization. I m nt sure d role of a lady in a our life but for my life its like I m counting stars and waiting to give up breathing as its like ages widot her. She is around me these days in my city whch happens to be her native as well and guess wat m rounding up her house wd a virtual excitement of woooo wat if sumhow I got to see her, I wud fell ryt then from my bike n dats d nly reason I bought 1500 studds helmet. Ask my god wat I was going thry few days back when she was no were in my life and god wud say who he?? He was struggling to survive and she came like Charles darwin’s epic “survival of d fittest”.
I m no way nt in a mood to cuts-hort telling her how much I owe my happiness to her. She is just wat happened to me at d ryt time, bingo!! I don’t wanna join d group OSLA (one sided lover’s association) coz I cant afford to drive away from her. Its nthng dat I dnt wanna live for my parents but they too know their son wud wateva plead for got to be a gem widot any replica. Are words enuf to tell someone how much they have influenced somebody;s life?? Naaay!! But m jus giving a try for dat. Getting lustful wd d person u love is not a big deal but u knw I respect her wd bottom of my heart(yay yay I knw its clumsy filmy one). I have never imagined her wd me in a steamy affair. I cant thnk from dat point of view for her. Perhaps she is d one I respect after I m done wd my parents.
U try n I will hit u to vanish forvr. If she wants me to b a rebel then here she is. I knw one thng that ppl tend to achieve thngs wd their will power. Bullshit!! Its nice till “satsangs” n “mata ka jaagrans” but dude when ur gurl is getting married then u r standing on her couch n shouting wd hands raise “main bhi hun”; “ wait wait, no cheating m waiting for my will power coz he is late” asshole. Don’t know wat will happen but ya before getting black n blues dat wud b d last time u got to laugh. But as they say “maangne se to maut bhi nahi milti” ya seriously. For eg. When u will search for a screw driver when u need it very urgently u wont find dat n wrap up screwing wd spoon and when u from no angle need dat it will somehow pop up again n again till u use it. Shit y m talking abt screw driver?? Seriously dis love shove is sumthng whch can make u arnold in d evening and rihaana in d morning. She loves when I make her laugh and dats d reason I have posted my cv’s to some stand up comedians and circus owners for a job. U got to get back to me if u have dat.
Now wats her name?? naa I wont tell but oki her last letter of name is my first letter. No way its “CHAMPA”. She has been d light of my life n lady if u r going thru dis then its upto u to bang me on pitch murky paths or grabb my arms on d mercury planet.
“She is a lesbian wd a horny lady” wud perhaps be the last thing whch will make me hate her!! I m nt planning but I have initiated d movement of making her marry me. I jus wanna let her parents know dat their angel is more than dis world to somebody n then they will envy me so as to how cud dis idiot guy love our “BITIYA RANI” so much?? Oye chachajaaan!! Bus pyaar nahi karte, nibhaane ka bhi iraada hai, marne ke baad bhi..
BusEkMusafir 