I don’t knw wat shud I feel jubiliant at. She is not aware of things am going thru.oh!! plz m nt trying to be like srk aka devdas. Why don’t ppl trust ur pain and feelings in real life n if d same thng happens in inox and when u come out, glamsham reporters run at u wd mic and u r terrified but soon get that these assholes r for feedback over movie. We tend to laugh n xplain if dats a comedy and camera wud notice ur red shades of eyes if dats typical sacrifice sort of love story. Ppl r most affected by the reel life and not real life is what I go for. Were is d fake emotion n feelings u say?? Do I need to write how troubled I am or how much my pupil has been showered by tears?? I got many questions from d person who can shit wd me or laugh at me. Y did she do dis to me?? Y?? I m here waiting for her to make my existence worth by just smiling at me. Our society laughs at crack jokes when they come across a news wd sumthng like “ a teenage guy ends his life after d gurl rejects his proposal” and ya dis is laughed and when we look around we can come across some asses doing dat. While sitting on knees wd head bowed I presented my 6ft. skeleton to her. Wheather u rip it apart or put it to fire but lemme b around u, lemme see u after m dead.and she mocks,” dude u mus be kidding” get lost!! More or less by hook or crook I have managed evrythng till date somehow but the only system I had to bring in picture is still no were in d vicinity. She is my life support system n if she thinks that I m kidding then let it be some joke until sumday u will miss my these jokes and someone else wud be by ur side cracking jokes which wud not make u laugh like mine jokes did. I don’t know abt buttering n polishing coz I knw dat I cant force her to come to me and look its getting tough now for me to keep looking on d display as d rays reflected by ur names are making my eyes moist and I don’t wanna get sumbody know of all these chaos as who knows will they ever in life sumday put themselves in my shoes n walk?? For god sake don’t u ever try dat, its more than getting to hate ur existence. I don’t wanna count thngs I cud do for her. I just know that she is d nly reason for me to tell d world abt my existence. I know my breaths and beats r about to gimme some sort of ultimatum, get her or get lost. I did xplain dat she is much much happy widot me so u better make me go sumwere forever so dat no one wud ever even notice dat such a veer abhimanyu existed. “Aisa kyun hota hai ki jo yaad aate hain wo kabhi wapas nahi aate???” sume fine day on dis globe sun rises and before its rays starts penetrating the atmosphere thru r; sitting somewere all alone with pitch dark scenario all over. At tyms we don’t have options in life and before writing dis I pondered for hours dat thr mus be some way out for me widot her and after getting my mind round n round n round I got a savior; an option u can say. And dats she herself. Few thngs and needs are immortal and cant be replaced in anyway. I prefer to lay down inside dis earth and not stand above and defend the laughs n mocks of evry particle around me and every creature making fun of me n my love for her coz she is no more wd me and m still hoping for sumthng gud. Its nt possible in anyway to take those for me. Its been 25 valentines and easters for me and after all these tantrums of life I finally learnt a single lesson till date and that is; “its better to die than live”. Fuckkk life has been torchering me in easy installments as if m d nly one born wd a tampered destiny. I don care dis luck of mine dat after so many good deeds u r born as a human, fuck u whore fuck u, it wud have been better if after I finish dis line wrap up my story.i dnt hav any more fucking lust to life and m wateva shown n done to my parents are perhaps they xpected and I made them feel content. Its easy to say that I wanna die but when u come across a snake or tiger then I bet atleast by a small difference nly in time u will be second in a 100m sprint, yohan blake being d first to reach the finishing line. No one wants to die but we all know that we r living in a hell on a knives’ edge coz no one knows when u r finished n u cant assure ur neighbor that u will company him next morning to the gym. See dis, dis is wat dis life is. Whole day n nyt u chase dis life for some nice moments, u chase to wrap up and get going wd good times and at d end see how slut dis life is, it pushes u in a black hole full of monsters hungry since ages. Dis is wat gonna happen so y nt go for it prepared for d worst mentally and perhaps it will not bring u pain but for me it wud be salvation. Crap m trying to act like some father of missionary church. Dis is wat love can turn u into. Well m very clear wid wat to do wd dis life which was given by my parents and m gonna betray them when they one fine morning knocks my door only to find their son nowere in dis world to see them, share wd them n feel their warmth. I knw nthng worse can happen than dis but m sorry I cudnt take dis pain anymore.i tried and though succeeded to some extent in not being categorized as a aashiq who died for a gurl ditching his parents. I don’t have any regrets coz I know n my heart knows dat I cant take dese anymore. I never thot that someday I will be standing in dis place wd no energy to defend d life’s tantrums. I only regret one thng dat either god wud have given me a lil or elder bro or wud have mede her mine but nthng of dis sort. I wont b able to reduce the losses of my parents till ages but may be I dint give them a single proud moment in last 25 yrs but almighty can u please do me a favour?? Don punish my parents next time wid a son like me!!! They deserve a winner, a fighter not a looser like me..widot any controversies all my frnds n colleagues know me wat all I have done in my life. I had nothng of dis sort till yesterday but as I said whore regarding life, it changed d scene n look here I m wd no shine in my eyes of breathing or living yet some more days… Signing off is veer abhimanyu for who don’t love me Abhimanyu for who all hates me but u guys got to be in any of these categories..
Tanha Safar..
BusEkMusafir 