tell me u "hate" me

She is still not aware of the truth and fact that without her it really pains like someone is stabbing my heart in chunks. I am committed to live d way u want me to but if u will not fill dis gap wd ur presence then…”tum jaisa kahoge main rahunga par door gaye to zindaa nahi rahunga”. I am feeling like a small particle in a barren land wid no way out. M nt feeling like doing anything and evrythng is colorless,odourless,tasteless,emotionless for me.nothng in the vicinity is catalyzing d way it does to every single creature. While byking or driving its ur pic which rules d roost and I go onthinking and imaging as to what she mus be doing ryt now? What she wud be thinking right now?? All those living/non-living matter are luckier than me, which are within her reach. They can feel her,see her n fortunate enough to get her essence in their pores. I m jealous of each n every single thing that surrounds her. I cud never see her expressions n priceless smiles and her delicacy but so much of eye soothing scenario for those around her. It alwaz happens that rarely u get to own sumthng which u alwaz wished for n most of d times we r deprived of d most essential thing or the life support system. We must have done something great that our soul was awarded wid dis human body, as they say. We must have also made somenody’s life hell or done sumthng against nature that we go thru worth dying moments in our life. Wat does dis crap mean?? The day I will get into the grey matter and find out the way to get back to her and mak her mine in next birth I will quit dis body and will work on that. Why why why she is not with me?? With each breath and beat d pain of her absence is grabbing my life and soon a day will come when they too wud get tired n give up. My mind is choked wid her memories and I keep on getting back to those moments which omce made me d dictator of wonderland. I got nthng else around me worth cheering and applauding. True love n pure heart is sumthng virtual for me which r often used to console urself n win d battle against ur soul. M just fed up of evrythng.i m fed up of being tagged as a looser and now its high time for me to chuck it and let thngs go off. Now its no way possible to even see yet another sunrise n wait for it to set. Wheneva I go across d streets n lamp posts wd people laughing and making each other feel secured, I jus cudnt step back n move rather till it penetrates me deeply I face those scenes and then I look back wd a smile dat I too had my high fives. I cudnt make someone wait for me, I cudnt hold someone to be thr by my side, I cudnt even made them offer me a shoulder for my tears to rol, I cudnt fill sumbody’s life wd colors n joys. Not a single eye I cud turn red wid my absence. I cudnt make anyone stop or chase me while I ran on d slippery edges. Atlast I never ever cud hate someone to give me a reason to walk out of their life. I cudnt even make d god rethink for yet another chance and sunshine.