its been twice only dat after u started ur new life i was happy.21st june2011 when last tym u huggged me from back and i kissed ur forehead.second on 6th feb 2012;3.44pm when i was at noida metro station waiting for my colleagues to go to connaught place.luk nw even i m smiling while writing and recalling those days…happiness is sumthng when widot any prior notice or forecasting sumthng gud happens to u; which u dint expected..last hug i never expected coz there were no chances that we wud meet like we used to  from aug 2007-aug 2010 bt perhaps dat day ur god uncle was happy wid me :)..while in noida life was as simple as a normal engineer have nd i neva expected dat on a mild winter afternoon sumthng miraculous is waiting for me..special moments were lost long back…wd u as my chubby bubby lifeline i never walked on ground rather floated on cloud nine…right from d moment u entered till u waved me gudbye each nano second i spent was like a celebration cum gala festival….
             
            i cud never hate u coz my love for u is still not over but  getting more impactful as d days r passing…end of my life wud perhaps halt  my love\’s journey probably…u wont trust me or agree wd d fact dat since d day i saw u, u were d only gurl i alwaz wished to see by my side…loads of gurls came across after u went and came thy suggestions to get n a relationship n forget my lady..bt i dint even gave a thot….these stuffs are not copy paste material  fropm any oscar or bafta awarded hollywood flick..not for a single second or a eyes\’ blink  i gave a thot to get into a bond wd sumbody who is no way my \”chhota wala baccha\”..from every point of view i saw myself wd u; even now while alone i plan future wd u coz u in my mind..i dont have any glitches wd u coz u just went for glitter which u thot was a diamond bu actually it was other way..every shine is nt of golds n i hope u by dis tym   must have observed..i neva left u standing all alone while i was ur boyfriend papaa and u know wat i still m committed to dat fact..life had evrythng for me in his pandora\’s box…d only thing it cud not hold for long and afford was \”an angel\” who freed herself on d verge of highest horizon…now u have been thru so much ups n downs in lyf that whoever is speaking his or her heart out wud b like a script cum dialogue for u..at tyms u just pondered dat why abhi is mailing me these stuffs??? he needs sum favour from me or wat??? there is alwaz a reason behind every possible thing but mind u reasons only consoles ur mind when u seek an answer for \”WHY\”…??   i dont want anythng from u bt beg u for sumthing u can possibly do; give me a chance ever in life till i m nt dead to offer my shoulder for u to relax and dat wud be d safest n secured place on earth..u did some magic in my life wd ur presence dat is still binding me n i dont want to get released from dat magical charms of urs.. 

 i never cheated u n i made ur life hell???? theek hai jab tumhe
yaad hi nahi hai to its okie…aaj se 7 saal pehle aaj ke din i was d
luckiest man on earth..i never widot ur consent did a single thng
..chori karna hota na to tumhe batata hi nahi main kabhi…i knw u
r least bothered abt my perception for u so better i dont comment n
make u realize thngs..i knw i cant change d wind direction coz u knw
dat abhimanyu is no more beneficial to u…i will wait for d day
when dis world will ask u certain questions and tum kuch nahi bol
paaoge…vaada hai tumse  ki ek din mere pyaar ko puri duniya
jaanegi n they will decide kaun kya tha…i was alwaz commited to penn
down my life i spent wd u n i have done well n good in dat…ek din
aayega jab tumhare paas bahut kuch hoga kehne ko par tum bol nahi
paaoge..aaj tak wo saare log jaante hain  ki aaj bhi main bus tumse
pyaar karta hun…my fbuk notes…my gtalk id…even my passwords
boast of u..kyunki main tumhe bhulna nahi chahta..isss dard mein wo
sukoon hai aur wo kashish hai  ki bus main hi jaan paaya hun…

jab bhi tanha hua tujhko dekha hai
shaam ki parchaaiyon mein surmai raaton mein tujhko dekha hai..
raat ke khwaabon mein tujhko dekha hai..har shayyya mein tujhko dekha hai..
maine khud mein bhi tujhe dekha hai,dekha hai tujhe iss aakash mein
aur isss zameeen pe..
apne har ek ehsaas mein dard mein wafaa mein tujhko dekha hai…
neha jahaan mein aur bhi bahut kuch hai magar,MAINE SIRF AUR SIRF
TUJHE DEKHA HAI….

i knw thr r loads to tak care of u but aadat ho chuki hai tumhari
salaamti ki duaaa maangne ki…

ur abhi

kaafi lamba safar hai ye dard ka jo pata nahi kab tak ehsaas dilayega ki ab hamare paas dil nahi hai..i alwaz wonderd dat wat is dis that ppl say \”she took my heart n sleep\” i used to stare them lik anythng n wud say \”iska game over\” but nw when i m in dat very shoes i feel pity.kuch hai yaad tumhe??? i do remember how childishly at tyms u behaved n dat childishness made me ur \”boyfrn-papaa\”.nthng else i wud have asked from ur god uncle.half a decade ago u sailed thru my thots 24*7 n i had nthng else to take notice of.dat was a new world wd 2 ppl as the population.it was 2nd aug my bday dat year when i ignored all d calls at nyt jus to hear u wish me on my day but u dint realized dat it was my bday n next afternoon i told u at 3pm abt that but u mus have thot \”why dis stupid guy is expecting me to wish him as we hardly know each other,infact jus one meeting we had wd our frnds n after dat meeting i was commited to myself to make u mine.those songs cd n a simple letter i gave u on 4th aug really was sumthng i imeersed myself into..nahi jaanta tha ki agar tumne saath nahi diya mera to kya hoga??? i was terrified of even seeing myself into dat state were u were not to be seen anywere in d vicinity.\”jeene ko to bahut wajah thi par tum un sab mein sabse khaas wajah thi\”..lyf never stops in someone\’s absence but as they say \”waqt tham sa jaata hai aur saansein lene ko dil nahi chahta\”, dis is nt utter crap.i alwaz felt dat facts or thngs whch r nt visible is made by we human only to keep on lying to ourself n i strongly stood raising my hands to very much practical scenario. moments crept inside my arena also when i had to believe that lov/immortality are not mere good luking words used by millions of rushdie\’s to sit on d top of literature carnivals,they r much more penetrating n stabbing than other visible stuffs.i miss u today n ur god uncle knows ki tum mere kya ho?? aasra ho hamare chain-o-sukoon ka.badi badi baaatein to koi bhi karta hai par chhoti si wafa log nahi kar paate hain, ye tum jaante ho ki maine tumhara kya bigada ya kya aabad kiya.

khush ho naa shayad aap…aha!!! i knw u will say u r nt dat good bt lemme tell u dat dis is life n ds is wat evry human has to go thru n by now i dont think anythng affect u as u have been on ur own since 2008 n so many ups n downs down d memory lane.i m nt sure u got tym to read my stupid mails or not but ds mail is only a way to tell u dat hold it, keep ur calm n cool in dis crucial phase of ur life as a tiny  deviation frm ur verge cud lead to disasters whch in no way u deserve.well as usual i passby ur house everyday and wd my raised eyelids look for a surprise u.those stupid pehla pehla pyaar ka josh ajeeb tha na..puri duniya se bach kar bus hum aur tum baatein karte the aur jab dekhte the aas paas kisi ne nahi dekha to bacchon ki tarah khush hote the.i must say that ur company revived those childhood days in many ways.when u used to ask me to bring stickers of barbie n powerpuff gurls then i used to go thru the whole stock in his shop n then khush ho kar le leta and usi waqt phone kar ke tumhe poora kissa aur description sunata tha.aur hamesha jab tum ghabra jaate the ya udaaas rehte the to kehte the ki hansaao na mujhe aur main joker ki tarah ut patang baatein karta tha aur aakhir mein tumhara mood sahi kar ke hi dum leta tha..wo joker tumhare jaane ke baad kahin kho gaya aur ab mumkin nahi hai ki bina tumhare ehsaas wo hasaaane k liye kya khud hasne ki bhi nahi soch payega.main tumse kabhi nafrat nahi kar paya,agar tum kabhi galat bhi the to tassali de deta tha khud ko..aaj bhi aankhen band kar ke us jagah aur us pal ko sochta hun jab aakhiri dafa tumne apna sar mere seene pe rakha tha aur sukoon milta tha aapko ki bahut mehfooz ho aap…tumare paas shayad bahut kuch ho aaj mein par jaante ho mere paas bus kuch pal aur zara si yaadein hain tumhari.kal ki subah ka intezzar isliye karta hun kyunki ek din aur jee k dekh lun uske bina,kya pata tumhara naa hona ek sapna ho!!!! aur ab neend se jaagne ki baari ho meri..kabhi kabhi shaam aise dhalti hai jaise us suraj ki aag mere dil se guzar kar jaa raha ho mujhe jalate hue akele isss veeran mein..aadat thi mujhe apni har shaam tumhare naam karne ki par dekho na ab kya shaam aur kya subah hum to apni saansein aur wajood tak aapke naam karne ko taiyaaar baithe hain par ye kambakht waqt hamara saath nahi de rahi…dekh rahe ho na tum rooth kar humse gaye kya idhar to waqt bhi rooth kar humse bhaag raha hai..hume kuch nahi chahiye siwa ek cheez ke, \” ek vaada kar do na agle saat janamon tak meri nazar ke samne rehne ki aur tumhari zulfon ki mehek mein lajhne ki aur kho jaane ki….\” vaada saath dene ka jab nahi nibhaa paaye to kaun si museebat aa jayegi ek aur jhootha vaada karne pe..hum intezaar karenge tumhari aur tum intezaar karna jashn manane ki jab meri umeed mera saath choddd degi aur hum toot jayenge barbaad to kab ke ho chuke the.. 

Todna tute hue dil ka bura hota hai,jiska koi nahi uska to khudaa hota hai..
maang kar khushi lun tumse mujhe manzoor nahi, kiski maangi hui daulat se bhala hota hai..

ye jo hum hijr mein deewar-o-dar ko dekhte hain,kabhi saba ko kabhi namabar ko dekhte hain..
wo aaye ghar mein hamare khudaa ki kudrat hai,kabhi hum unko kabhi hum ghar ko dekhte hain..
nazar na lage kahin unke dast-o-bazu ko,ye log kyun mere zakhm-o-jigar ko dekhte hain???

one thing i mus say that i have never been envy of anybody except myself..i alwaz found myself immersed in my self created lake of setbacks..alwaz i considered short term comfi as a \”big run win\”..i cud never get indulged into sumthng or wd sumbody apart from my own pool of blood; sprinkling on my dreams as a result of chopping/stabbing my own \”must live\” moments wrapped wd my \”for granted go ahead..\”..

kitaabon ke panne palat ke sochte hain yun palat jaye zindagi to kya baat hai..
tamanna jo poori ho khwaabon mein haqeeqat ban jaye to kya baat hai..
kuch log matlab ke liye dhoondte hain mujhe bin matlab koi aaye to kya baat hai..
qatal kar ke to sab lke jayenge dil mera koi baaton se le jaye to kya baat hai..
jo shareefo ki sharafat mein baat naa ho ek sharaabi keh jaye to kya baat hai..
zindaaa rehne tak to khushi dunga sabko kisi ko meri maut pe khushi mil jaye to kya baat hai..

never i imagined that i wud ever live widot her.it was alwaz more than a celebration when she was by my side.though thr has been loads of ups n downs in my life but nothng affected me dis deeply n brutally.i cudnt even breathe for time n conclude n evrythng vanished in a blink.i cud never get a chance even to think of living alone coz d day i stepped in d new world she was wd me n wateva dreams n promises we had,mind u \”we\” had.she was in each n every single nano seconds of my life..wat made her hate me is somethng i dont have guts to thnk upon rather i console or may be its really tru dat she is much happy wd her new life.i knw one thing dat now lyf cud be no better in her absence as it alwaz used to be n made others envy.i had no reasons in my life to celebrate n even live but it was her aura whch holded me back n slowly tooook me into her n wat else one wud have ever asked from life.i was alwaz floating on cloud nine widot once luking beneath..i miss her very much n i jnw no one can replace her aura in my life..it makes d life hell lot of bullshit when i feel that she is not here but wat can be done??? its been 2 yrs i have beeen widot her but i have paid for each single second i have lived widot her..those days, days pouring fireballs when i used to roam on d roads of NCR n those were days when i was on my own n everyday was like a new story n new chapter.first tym in my life i was standing alone in d barren land wd no sign of life n death till phoneix. n numbers of days n nights i spent in parks,temples,foootpaths n all those places i never ever imagined i wud ever come across bt that phase of my life taught me all d hardships n i can say dat i m now prepared for d worst d most worst thngs i wud ever come acrosss…hmmm aage badhate hain veer ki kahaani ko..life is alll about comprmises i have felt..uncountable compromised scenario have been alwaz on d headlamp n mind u, one wont b able to cover d lamp as it dips down wd d tym n ur breaths hanging in d dark